who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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