do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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