Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
