i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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