im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
