apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize