I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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