a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
