So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
