I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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