hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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