Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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