I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
