Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
