Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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