My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
