This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
