talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We have started to decorate penises.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
