what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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