I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I look better un-naked...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
