don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
