I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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