I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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