My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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