I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
