I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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