He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
