Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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