It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
