I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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