i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
