take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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