If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didn't notice because vodka
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
