What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My life is pants optional.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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