grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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