alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
