I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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