you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
