I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
