I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
