i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
