my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sobbing to NWA
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
