someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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