Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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