My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
