I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
