I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
