he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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