If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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