is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
