I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
