I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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