Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
