We're like a lot better than the average bears
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
