I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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