nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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