so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
