he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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