I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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