I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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