I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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