hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
