This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
