my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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