we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
