I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
