There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
