I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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