i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
