'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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