I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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