I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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