The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
