Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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