I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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