I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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