Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
