Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
