I cannot find my penis.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
