help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
