If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
