My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
