So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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