i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
