Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
