When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
