that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
