Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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