i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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