u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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