I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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