Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
