Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
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