Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize