kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the day after is always just damage control
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
